Mental diarrhea

It happens every now and then, where although life keeps on going and moving forward, I still feel I have nothing to report. Nothing worth writing about anyway. That's the point I'm at right now. There is so little going on that is of actual substance it makes it difficult to justify hitting that Publish Post button and subjecting readers to the mundane details of my everyday life. But there also comes a time when I'm itching to write and in turn updating my slow-moving blog. I'm at that point also, so here goes what one of my professors described as mental diarrhea.

I'm still watching foreign movies-- still mostly Asian, but not at the same rate as I was just a little while ago. It's a combination of being busy with life and other interests and/or hobbies that take a big bite out of my movie watching and analyzing time. It actually takes much time for me to watch, analyze and form an opinion about a movie. There have been a few movies I've watched that I ended up not writing about, because I couldn't organize my thoughts about them, or plain didn't feel I understood enough to write intelligently about them. I think I'm gonna start a more official system of writing about every movie I see, even if I don't particularly "get it". That way I challenge myself to write something that doesn't flow easily out of me (which happens more than I'd like to admit) and I don't have such huge gaps between blog posts.

And this brings me to another interesting enough point to write about; a cluttered mind. I have a cluttered mind. I have so much going on in my head at any given moment, what with trying to keep track of the things that are mundane but necessary, and trying to keep track of things taking place in the near future, and things I'd like to accomplish, and thoughts and dreams and and and... there is so much stuff going on in there. And it doesn't stop there, because something you know you wanna do and plan to do, has little sub-things you have to do in order to make them happen. I'm making myself crazy just writing about it like this, but it's true. It's hard to have a clear mind without that awful clutter that obscures the light at the end of that long and winding tunnel that is your mind. It delays, if not stops me from accomplishing many things, and I'm in the process of trying to figure out little ways and things I can do in order to unclutter for long enough to write, or do other things to better myself in all facets of life. Writing is my outlet, and with clutter it becomes so muddled, I end up not writing for days and weeks. Clutter is bad all around, mental or physical!

I've also started knitting again. I've been trying to knit since I was a kid, and my mom would have to cast on stitches for me each time. Back then, I'd knit something as big as a pocket-sized swatch, and then bicycles and Barbies would be calling to me, and I'd go running, leaving the unfinished stitches behind. I stopped knitting for quite some time, and started again in my early 20s. At that point, I learned how to not only cast on stitches all by my super-awesome self, but I also learned how to knit in Stockinette stitch. Up until then, the only way I knew was the way that made my project look like the back of a sweater... my newly acquired skill was making me giddy. During my knitting revival, I made several scarves and a few hats out of some very yummy and expensive yarns, but not much else. It was fun to make functional pieces I could wear and boast about making, but after a while knitting in what is essentially a constant straight line became incredibly boring and not so satisfying. Hats were a little more challenging, but in the end, how many hats can one make before becoming the crazy hat lady? I started going through phases, where I would knit for a spell, and then put it away. I think that my life will be filled with these phases of knitting and not knitting, but right now I am in a knitting phase. I've knit a purse that still needs to have lining sewn in, and bamboo handles to be attached. The sewing is what I'm having trouble with, and that is really the only reason why I have not finished that project just yet. I'm also working on a spring/summer short-sleeved sweater that seems like it will be a cinch all the way through, but I still haven't gotten to the actual shaping part, so I don't know if I will get tripped up by that as well. Though I don't think it will be as difficult as just time-consuming. I'm fine with time-consuming, as long as I have a functioning piece in the end. I spent a lot of money on that yarn, which is a bamboo blend.

Another hobby I've been nurturing with difficulty is my hobby of reading. I started reading a book a few weeks ago and haven't finished it. In fact, I haven't even picked it up for at least two weeks. The book in question is F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Beautiful and Damned. Sounds like a good old American soap opera title, but it's not. It's nothing of the sort. It is said that this work of Fitzgerald's eerily predicted the path of his life as a doomed 1920s socialite. I decided to pick this up at the bookstore instead of just getting it at the library like I usually do, because I feel that there are certain authors you can't go wrong with. For Fitzgerald I'm willing to spend the money and make the room on the bookshelf. I still feel like it's money well-spent, because Fitzgerald is a genius with words, prose, and everything required to describe the human condition on printed paper. I am even gonna say that I like what I've read of The Beautiful and Damned, but I suppose I need something a little less intense at this time. I've written about my feeling on ditching a book halfway, and how even if it's a bad book, I hate to do that. When the book is good though, and you're just not prepared for the intensity it has to offer I feel it's OK to stop reading it, because you will eventually pick it up again and know what to expect. For the time being, I feel I must let this book sit on the shelf for a little while until I am ready to absorb what it has to say. I have no idea what to read next, of course, but having declared to myself and everyone else that I am no longer reading The Beautiful and Damned makes moving onto something else so much easier... now I can pull that bookmark out and completely lose my place.

Finally, I'd like to talk about my attempt(s) to acquire shoes for the coming warm season. Each year I tend to get a little crazy in the shoe department, particularly when the shoes are of the summer caliber. I love shoes and feel that shoes can truly make or break an outfit, so the first thing I update when a new season abounds is my shoe collection. This year is no exception, and I've been carefully picking out practical, yet cute and feminine shoes. I don't know what happened to my judgement the other day, but I bought a pair that looking at right now, I feel is perhaps the ugliest pair of shoes I've bought in a very long time. I remember being in the store, and trying them on and thinking, "Super cute!" After having brought them home and heard feedback from my mom and sister and best friend, I'm truly at a loss for words to explain why I thought this particular pair was something I wanted to have on the floor of my closet. Thankfully, I can return them and forget this ever happened, but it still doesn't solve the mystery of why I fell in love with them in the store. I'm almost embarrassed for having committed such a taste-related crime, because I bought the shoes with my friend, who agreed with my mom and sister that the shoes are just plain ugly. She said she told me they were ugly in the store, but I guess whatever possessed me and made me buy the hideous pair with gusto was the same thing that rendered me deaf!*Sigh* I guess we all make mistakes, and I'm glad I can fix this one, but gosh, I'm pretty embarrassed!

Well, I feel a lot better now that I've been able to utilize my outlet. I am working on making it a habit to write anything without holding back, but it's hard, because I'm anal about what I let people read of my writing. I need to stop being anal and just write write write and write some more!