Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Friday, September 19, 2008

When friendship lowers the volume

I had my meeting with the Media Board yesterday, and I am now officially Editor of the Arapahoe Free Press.

It was interesting, because before the meeting, I was feeling so anxious and scared, not of not getting the job, but of actually getting it. Oh my Gosh... Editor of an entire newspaper? That's a scary position to be in. I decide what goes in the paper, and what doesn't... I have the power to hire and fire. Everything I do and don't do affects me, the staff, the paper, and even the school. Moreover, my success depends largely on getting people to do what is asked of them.

The meeting went well, and it was with two members of the Board, one of who is my professor. The anxiety and fear faded very quickly, and I was soon feeling giddy and happy that I got such a position with the support of a phenomenal advisor and a wonderful professor. I'm still happy and proud, and looking forward to the road ahead... but there's that little nagging thing that is bothering me.

I talked about James, the original Editor, and I can't get over this strange feeling of guilt. I don't know why I feel guilty, because once James expressed interest at the first ever meeting we had, I immediately registered him in my mind as the Editor. Period. I didn't ever think of the position, and sort of got voted into being the Assistant Editor. I was happy with the arrangement, because as I said before, we simply worked great together, and it didn't take long to see what a great team we made.

When his hiring process got botched up, I made statement after statement to my new friend that I would never "usurp" his job, and that I had no intention of doing so. The words are echoing in my mind still of me saying "I would never do that to you," the night he called me freaking out about things.

I still didn't really do that to him, and let's face it, the circumstances have changed and I was sorta' kinda' pushed into it out of necessity.

But the loyal part of me just can't rest.

The last time I spoke to James was a week ago, last Friday. I was telling him about all the things going on in the office, and how much I have to do now that I've been asked to be Editor, and he was laughing with me, while helping me figure out how to deal with stuff. Up until that last conversation I had treated my stepping in as Editor as just a temporary arrangement. Our conversation got cut short, because he received a phonecall, and told me he'd call me back.

He never called back, and my emails have gone unanswered. The entire staff has tried to get a hold of him, and no response.

I know he's not calling back or emailing for a good reason that will become clearer as he figures things out with his situation (which is legal). But in the meantime, and even though I know it's the AFP that's the problem, and not me, I still wish I could explain everything myself.

I hope I get my friend back soon!

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