Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Sunday, May 23, 2010

An adult's gotta do what an adult's gotta do

Whenever I accomplish a lot during the day, I truly feel like I'm a step ahead, a level higher than the me who doesn't. As a procrastinator, I always get a high from finding myself getting up and doing the things I need to do, especially when I really don't feel like it.

There is something to be said about these moments when I feel as though a more productive soul has taken possession of my body and gotten me going on tasks I normally find so daunting, that I perpetually put them on the back burner, reaching a point where I just scrap the entire thing, whatever it is. There are more abandoned projects than completed ones in my project chest, and nothing makes me feel worse about myself than going through that chest and seeing just what a self sabotager I am, and have been throughout my life.

As a person who wants to be a writer, I obviously keep a filled-to-the-brim folder on my computer called "Writing." At first glance, one would think that I am a writing machine, I just write, write and write some more, completing one piece after the other, whether it be an opinion column, a review of something, or a piece of short or long fiction. But let me tell you that that is not the case. Nothing is further from the truth, actually. My writing folder may be full, but it's a testament to how little successful writing I actually do, and nothing offers a clearer view of how my Attention Deficit Disorder affects my potential with anything, not just writing, as this folder I speak of.

Regardless, I am pretty sure that what's taking place, this ability to just get up and do the things I really don't feel like doing is not a case of possession, no, but rather a case of maturity. When you're immature (or at least when I was immature) you have this crazy idea that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, and although there is some truth to that, life, the real kind, doesn't care whether you want to do something or not, you have to do what you have to do. Period.

So, today I patted myself on the back for accomplishing the things I need to do in order to live a good life, and have a bright future as an adult, mature woman who works hard and gets what she wants. Nothing is quite as motivational as that.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The latest contemplation...

I have been toying with the idea of deactivating my Facebook account, at least for a while, if not indefinitely. Reason behind this desire is that I am simply not enhancing my life in any way, shape or form by wasting the endless hours I've spent doing nothing of true value since September 2007, when I joined the social networking site.

This comes, obviously, three years after I joined, and although I've gotten back in touch with many people I lost all communication with from as far back as 1989, I haven't gotten anything out of these reconnections. Not to say that I expect any tangible benefits from getting in touch with people, or even true friendship out of connecting with long-lost friends, but the problem is that I add these people to my friends list, we update each other briefly on what's been going on with us the last 20 or 10 years, and then we just forget about each other.

Right now I am sporting 82 Facebook friends. I enjoyed watching that list grow to that number over the years, given that I've always been a rather shy introvert who can count all the friends they've ever had on all their fingers, and maybe half their toes. To say the least, I was under the false impression that Facebook would somehow enhance my social life and skills. But three years later I still have less than five people I consider friends, people I can rely on to wish me a happy birthday, a happy Ramadan and Eid, and that's fine, really.

Over the years I've found that the shy introvert is just who I am. It is not a character or personality flaw I need to change in order to be accepted, because the truth is that I am only shy and an introvert at first, and once someone starts the ball rolling, I become as social as anyone else.

Facebook isn't going to change my DNA, nor is it going to change my relationships with all the people I've come across throughout my life. I'm certainly not on Facebook to meet new people, so basically I am on Facebook to keep in touch with people I already know. Some are important to me to the point where the site is not needed for me to know what's up with them, some are people I lost touch with years ago and the more I watch their behavior patterns on FB, the more I realize that we lost touch for a reason, and others I scratch my head and wonder why I have them on FB in the first place, we're so far-removed from each other and on different wavelengths.

I've felt this way before, but I've just shrugged it off as me being overly sensitive when someone doesn't wish me a happy birthday, yet spends all day playing games on FB the day of my birthday, considering that no matter how close or unclose we are, I always wish people a happy birthday on their walls, just because it takes only a few seconds and it's so convenient. Yet this desire to disconnect myself from the great abyss that is Facebook is strong this time around.

Thanks to the latest privacy changes and issues nobody seems to quite get or understand how to overcome with Facebook, I am more inclined to disappear off my friends' lists in an attempt to protect my privacy, whatever's left of it. At the end of the day, I have to ask myself, why jeopardize my privacy in order to keep in touch with people who don't really want to keep in touch with me? It's such a waste of time, time I could be spending writing, reading and bettering myself for the real world, not some virtual world where your personal photo albums are displayed for the world to see.

In the meantime, I am still on Facebook, wishing everyone happy birthdays, congratulating them on their successes and sympathizing with them during hardships, no matter how far or close I am to them, all while keeping my expectations low and my private information as protected as I can keep it. Once again, I choose to keep Facebook for those times when I'm really really bored and need to waste time, because that's all Facebook is good for.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I'm lost in the world of "Lost"

Last Tuesday, after watching the Dancing with the Stars eliminations on ABC, I didn't change the channel. I just sat on the couch and occupied myself with my iPod Touch, not even sure what was on TV. When I finally looked up, I was sucked in by the historical fiction drama taking place on the screen.

I searched my mind for what this show might be, and soon found out that it was Lost, trying to fill in the gaps that the last five seasons have left open for viewers.

Well, I got sucked in and started watching attentively, having absolutely no clue what was going on and what the clues appearing at the bottom of the screen meant, because I had never watched even a single episode of the show before that night.

I became so intrigued, that I decided to watch Lost from the beginning, and remembered that it would be a piece of cake, since Netflix offers the first and second seasons instantly.

So, I started watching, intending only to watch the pilot because I was sure I would hate the show and abandon the desire to decipher the codes being thrown at me in one of the few episodes remaining of the show's lifespan.

Much to my surprise, however, I became even more hooked. I found that I couldn't wait another second without going on to the second episode. After the second episode, I found I couldn't wait another second for the third. I had to stop at the third episode, because I had stuff to do, but I went right on to the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh the following day.

I cannot say it enough: I am hooked on Lost.

I know my confession, that I haven't watched a single Lost episode until one of its last few ever is aired, is one that is sure to get a lot of eyes rolling and a lot of "DUHs" to be uttered. But in my defense, I almost never get swept away with trends, especially if it's a really big trend.

For example, I never got into the Harry Potter craze, and have yet to read a single book, or watch a single movie of that franchise. I know this is like blasphemy for a large chunk of the population all over the world, but I'm just not into popular things, at least while they are popular.

Call me a retro sort of person. I like resurrecting things that have been lying dormant, because it is only then you know how truly good something is. Good works transcend time, and the only way to be sure of a work's transcendentness is to let time pass, let it age.

Well, that's just how I like to discover things. I let things age before I pay serious attention to them, unaffected by marketing or popularity. The work then hooks me in by its own merit.

I was five years younger when this show aired for the first time. I remember all the marketing, all my friends who were so hooked that they would host parties to watch it weekly and decipher the clues, I even remember Evangeline Lilly appearing on the cover of almost every magazine and being worshipped as the "it" girl. I never paid attention, and in fact, found it all repellant because it was all over the place. I feel the winner now for having waited this long to give this show a look...

What makes me especially glad I waited this long to get hooked on a show built on mysteries and cliffhangers is that I don't have to wait an entire week to find out what happens next. Did I mention that I'm also really impatient?