Whenever I accomplish a lot during the day, I truly feel like I'm a step ahead, a level higher than the me who doesn't. As a procrastinator, I always get a high from finding myself getting up and doing the things I need to do, especially when I really don't feel like it.
There is something to be said about these moments when I feel as though a more productive soul has taken possession of my body and gotten me going on tasks I normally find so daunting, that I perpetually put them on the back burner, reaching a point where I just scrap the entire thing, whatever it is. There are more abandoned projects than completed ones in my project chest, and nothing makes me feel worse about myself than going through that chest and seeing just what a self sabotager I am, and have been throughout my life.
As a person who wants to be a writer, I obviously keep a filled-to-the-brim folder on my computer called "Writing." At first glance, one would think that I am a writing machine, I just write, write and write some more, completing one piece after the other, whether it be an opinion column, a review of something, or a piece of short or long fiction. But let me tell you that that is not the case. Nothing is further from the truth, actually. My writing folder may be full, but it's a testament to how little successful writing I actually do, and nothing offers a clearer view of how my Attention Deficit Disorder affects my potential with anything, not just writing, as this folder I speak of.
Regardless, I am pretty sure that what's taking place, this ability to just get up and do the things I really don't feel like doing is not a case of possession, no, but rather a case of maturity. When you're immature (or at least when I was immature) you have this crazy idea that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, and although there is some truth to that, life, the real kind, doesn't care whether you want to do something or not, you have to do what you have to do. Period.
So, today I patted myself on the back for accomplishing the things I need to do in order to live a good life, and have a bright future as an adult, mature woman who works hard and gets what she wants. Nothing is quite as motivational as that.