Time flies when you're having fun and keeping busy

I can't believe it's Thanksgiving time already, and that there are just four more class sessions left. This isn't even counting the fact that tomorrow marks the newspaper's last production day for the semester.

Looking back at the last three months, so much has happened I never dreamed would, all stemming from the simple act of registering for a class. The people I've met, the things I've learned and the ways I've grown are too much to describe. The last three months have been phenomenal with ups and downs that ultimately lead to a peak I feel fortunate to have reached. My ambitions don't stop there, though.

I've already registered for two spring classes and have committed to serving as editor in chief of the paper for another semester.

Of course, part of me is sad that my class is about to be over, but the other part is jumping for joy for the break I'm going to get from the craziness that has been my life.

A simple example of how being busy has limited my enjoyment of certain things I love to do is that I started reading a book at the end of August, stopped for Ramadan throughout September, then picked it back up shortly after in October. Well, I'm still not finished. True that this book I'm reading is huge at 947 pages, but it's one I wouldn't be able to put down if I didn't have all this stuff going on preventing me from reading day and night and finishing it all in two full weeks at the most.

I'm at page 670 now, and having so much trouble parting with the book each time I must close it, I can't wait for a time I can read as much as my heart desires. My vision for the break between Dec. 5 and the second week of January is one that involves a lot of reading and writing I've been prevented from doing all this time. I expect to finish the book I'm reading now and finish another book, and already start on the next one by the time school is back in session.

I also plan on going back to a more consistent schedule of exercise and activity I've been either too busy or tired to keep up with.

The only thing better than my vision for this winter break is one that involves me reading after a long day of swimming in the Caribbean Sea.

You learn something new every day

I have been struggling with my emotions the last week or so. I'm simply burned out on the newspaper and have had moments where I feel like quitting.

I am so burned out that today I woke up to my alarm and instead of getting out of bed to get ready for my day, I stayed in and read a book.

I eventually did get up and go about my day like usual, but something was very different. Where I usually leave for school to be there by 11 for office hours, today I made it a point to not set foot in that office until I absolutely had to. I got to campus a little before 1, and just went straight to class.

After the harrowing experience of getting the fourth issue for the semester out I simply needed a break, and I gave myself one today and it helped a great deal. After class, I usually go back to the office and hang out there until about 4, and later if there is a meeting. Today I met with the advisor for a while, then just went down to the student lounge area and sat on one of the couches to wait for the meeting taking place at 5.

All of this seems like drivel, but I learned something new today. I learned how to keep things balanced. I learned to do what I had to do, without forgetting myself and my needs.

I needed a break today, and I gave myself one even though I still had to go to the place I wanted nothing to do with and do things I didn't feel like doing. That break was good for today, and is good for me in the future when I need to have that balance.

I'm resting

Today, I chose to just stay home and communicate via e-mail regarding matters concerning the paper. Boy, what a difference rest makes.

For the last couple of weeks, I've pretty much spent every weekday, except Friday, on campus. It was necessary last week, seeing as how it was a production week, and my physical presence was crucial. This week, and all upcoming non-production weeks, are going to be for relaxation. It is going to be a time for me to gather my thoughts, rejuvenate, and most important, focus on my class.

My class has been suffering through my adventures with the paper, and I think I've struck a balance, finally, that will keep me on track with my plan to only rush to campus on non-class days during production weeks.

It's amazing. My first run in college, I was working part-time, going to school full-time, writing for the school paper (a weekly paper), and even had a full-blown social life. All this and I rarely felt tired or stressed enough to need "me" time. Then again, I was 17 when I started college, and graduated just before I turned 23. I was still fresh, and sharp enough to not really need a planner. I kept a planner, but I rarely needed it enough to tell me what I needed to be doing. I just kept going, going and going some more.

This time around, which isn't even really a second run in college, but more of me trying my hand at taking an independent writing career-enhancing class-- has been hard. I need "me" time, I stress, I forget things to necessitate not only writing them down, but to also have reminders and I feel tired enough to have my fatigue manifest itself in physical form.

I really don't know how I did all I did in college, but I know that it is something to look back and feel glad I was able to do at some point in my life.

For now, I must learn to take it easy, focus and only push myself far enough for a challenge. A challenge should be hard, NOT not humanly possible.

Let the games begin

The Olympics are over, and have been for about a month, but I've got my own games just starting.

I'm officially Editor now, which also means I'm officially baby sitter. My God, the things that are surfacing are making me think I'm going into the seventh circle of hell.

To make a long, confusing story very short... my assistant editor got into a tiff with the designer who hates her, and called me this morning in tears wanting to resign, because the girl who hates her told her to resign.

Now, I've had my issues with the assistant editor, but nothing along the lines of wanting her to resign from the paper altogether!

Just in one day, I've confirmed that I can't keep writers because of the assistant editor, and that my designer is even more outspoken than I'd already thought. I've talked to both, and I hope these problems are more the exception than the rule.

This brings me to the subject of trying to keep people happy... I don't think it's possible. I was lucky with these two girls, because they are both gung-ho for the paper, and had no intention of really leaving... but I know for a fact that I'm not going to be able to put out all fires each time tempers flare. This makes my job extremely challenging, even more than it already was without the politics.

All I can do is try to make everyone happy by listening to them and addressing their concerns, and hope to God that is enough to keep them on the staff.

When friendship lowers the volume

I had my meeting with the Media Board yesterday, and I am now officially Editor of the Arapahoe Free Press.

It was interesting, because before the meeting, I was feeling so anxious and scared, not of not getting the job, but of actually getting it. Oh my Gosh... Editor of an entire newspaper? That's a scary position to be in. I decide what goes in the paper, and what doesn't... I have the power to hire and fire. Everything I do and don't do affects me, the staff, the paper, and even the school. Moreover, my success depends largely on getting people to do what is asked of them.

The meeting went well, and it was with two members of the Board, one of who is my professor. The anxiety and fear faded very quickly, and I was soon feeling giddy and happy that I got such a position with the support of a phenomenal advisor and a wonderful professor. I'm still happy and proud, and looking forward to the road ahead... but there's that little nagging thing that is bothering me.

I talked about James, the original Editor, and I can't get over this strange feeling of guilt. I don't know why I feel guilty, because once James expressed interest at the first ever meeting we had, I immediately registered him in my mind as the Editor. Period. I didn't ever think of the position, and sort of got voted into being the Assistant Editor. I was happy with the arrangement, because as I said before, we simply worked great together, and it didn't take long to see what a great team we made.

When his hiring process got botched up, I made statement after statement to my new friend that I would never "usurp" his job, and that I had no intention of doing so. The words are echoing in my mind still of me saying "I would never do that to you," the night he called me freaking out about things.

I still didn't really do that to him, and let's face it, the circumstances have changed and I was sorta' kinda' pushed into it out of necessity.

But the loyal part of me just can't rest.

The last time I spoke to James was a week ago, last Friday. I was telling him about all the things going on in the office, and how much I have to do now that I've been asked to be Editor, and he was laughing with me, while helping me figure out how to deal with stuff. Up until that last conversation I had treated my stepping in as Editor as just a temporary arrangement. Our conversation got cut short, because he received a phonecall, and told me he'd call me back.

He never called back, and my emails have gone unanswered. The entire staff has tried to get a hold of him, and no response.

I know he's not calling back or emailing for a good reason that will become clearer as he figures things out with his situation (which is legal). But in the meantime, and even though I know it's the AFP that's the problem, and not me, I still wish I could explain everything myself.

I hope I get my friend back soon!

There's definitely a shadow of a doubt

I'm having some second thoughts about my choice for Assistant Editor.

Though she does what I ask with speed and gusto, it's her conduct that is making me doubt my decision. With the exception of one writer leaving us, it's becoming clear to me that this person I've chosen for my assistant is the cause of our staff retention problem. We lost yet another writer today, who seemed just fine at yesterday's meeting, but ended up emailing me this morning to say he was quitting without reason.

I'm not officially Editor yet, which means she's not officially my assistant yet. I suppose it's not too late to change my mind, but that doesn't make it any easier on me. I've had several people come to me and express their less than good feelings toward this person, and though at first I chose to just ignore it all, and focused on what she could bring to the job, it's getting harder to ignore people's comments. This is mostly because EVERYONE has something to say about her that is less than flattering. The males and females on the staff of all ages and walks of life all either hate her, or have heard that everyone hates her.

This is problematic for me, because with such a hated individual as my right-hand person, it's going to be difficult to keep the staff happy. In the meantime, I've been sitting back and watching her conduct, and at the very least we have different management styles. She wants to "command authority" and basically rule with an iron fist everything from the work that's turned in, to making sure that staff don't breathe wrong during "newspaper time". She lacks diplomacy, BIG TIME, and has a tendency to alienate people. She's loud and talks over people. She'll ask a question, I start to answer, and before I've even answered completely, she'll start the next question. This irritates me to no end, and I imagine everyone else who deals with her.

This is not including this habit she has of taking her shoes off and putting her bare feet up on a chair while we're trying to "command authority" and be professional (I put things in quotation marks that she has actually said herself). Call me old-fashioned, but at least when a professor is speaking in front of the class, it's inappropriate to have your feet up, facing him or her. It's unprofessional, disgusting and totally poor in taste.

I hope I can deal with all of this in a professional way that leaves everyone happy.

Meanwhile, yesterday I found out that I no longer have a Copy Editor, have no ad space sold yet, and am in desperate need for writers and an ad sales rep. I went and spoke to a business class trying to recruit an ad sales rep and a business writer, expecting it to be big, but found that it was a puny class of just barely 10 people, all who didn't seem interested at all in anything I had to say.

Issue One is going to look absolutely pathetic, and I'm in deep doodoo, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, because it all depends on PEOPLE.

Which brings me back to my original statement that people... suck... the... life... out... of... me!

Note to self: Keep my head from exploding

There's a first time for everything. I've never been one to stress out to the point where crying is the only remedy I am able to carry out, but it looks like now is the time for this feeling to surface.

It could be age, it could be my long absence from an environment with actual deadlines, or it could just be that my responsibilities really are overwhelming... whatever the cause, I'm freaking out. This Assistant Editor gig is taking a lot out of me! I'm getting bombarded by emails daily from the Editor, the advisor, and the section editors, all asking me about time-sensitive issues, that I must scramble to resolve or answer. This is not including the stuff I already have on my plate to do.

Being that this is a school newspaper, this is all done on a small scale, of course, but it's not any less stressful than at a newspaper with a larger audience, I imagine. I'm overwhelmed to the point where I am not sure I can do the job, but then I go back and I think that this is a learning experience, and that these feelings are inevitable-- of course I can do the job! This is just the beginning.

The advisor seems to understand that we should take things easy for our first issue, but I sometimes feel like the Editor doesn't understand that, and just wants to plunge right in like we've been doing this forever. It's not just the actual putting together of the paper that is difficult, it's largely getting everyone to work together effectively, efficiently, and getting them all on the same page. That's the hardest part when you've got a machine that has different parts, each of those parts doing its own individual job in the hope that the end result is collectively the same.

Again, this is a learning experience. Stress is something that one must learn to cope with along with all the other facets of a job, but I guess I'm just not used to this degree of stress.

There is a good side to this, though. It's making me want to drive ahead and give this gig my all. At this point, I think I have no other choice, and I'm happy to adhere.

Now if I can just keep my head from exploding, I think I'll be OK!

If happiness is relative, then I'm its sibling!

It is amazing just how well I'm getting along with every person I'm working with at the paper. I haven't had so much fun and bonded with so many people in ages.

I went to campus yesterday for a mini meeting. Even though it was Friday, a cloudy day and barely anyone was at school, it turned out to be a blast. I got to know the people I'm working with better in a less formal setting. We had more than a few laughs, found out stuff about each other, and just plain had fun.

I'm really looking forward to getting to know all these people more, and perhaps making friends outside of school and away from the newspaper office.

Things will be even more fun when the numerous invitations I receive to go out to eat or get a cup of coffee can be taken up. I haven't been having any trouble fasting for Ramadan, as far as feeling hungry, or too out of it, but I am facing this social obstacle. It won't last long though. This is the sixth day of Ramadan, which leaves 23-24 days until things go back to normal. Ramadan is usually 29 or 30 days, depending on the lunar cycle, never more, never less. Hence, the 23-24 days.

Speaking of Ramadan, like I said, it's going really well. In fact, I don't even feel hungry during the day. I'm not watching the clock and sun with my mouth open and ready for the first bite hovering infront of my face...



Maybe it's me keeping busy, or perhaps it's just that I'm fueling up well enough in the evenings to hold me over until dinnertime, but at least for now it's just not an issue. This makes me very happy.

I'm just one happy chickadee these days.